Thinking Things Through

So after my 7th hour of constant teleconference calls, I decided to rest my bloodied ears and think about the first day after I hit the road. With few distractions the reality of my situation, and my racing mind, will combine to put me in the madhouse (Mad, I tell you, MAD!!!).

How did people live before the Internet and video on demand. I suppose they read a lot. I can do that, but it will cost a lot in gas and lost foodstuffs. [As an aside, something like 10% of the weight of a modern warship is made up of the paperwork required by the DoD.] Writing on the other hand only takes a few bytes.

I do have ideas and have been posting them here and there. I've no interest in writing a book about "fast guns and hard dicks" (by which I mean private investigators...) or medical thrillers that bombast us with terminology and thin characters.  Nope, I want to write about the corporate world. A tragi-comedy if you will. I have a lot of material with which to work. But I can always use more.

Please send your ideas this way. I assure you, they won't be kept alone in a dark, dark cubicle hoping for specks of sunlight and truth, fearful of the ice weasels that come at night (thanks Matt Groening).

Most recent topics - the myopism of reacting to the symptoms years after being called out on the causes (if we were a body, we'd be dead by the time we realized we were sick, Jim). The power of escalation and its appropriate use in saving headcount. Building teams of cheerleaders instead of saving solid performers. AND the irony of writing about career development while letting people go and handing out slight pay raises. Endless topics for developing into stories. Now the only trick is to ensuring the readers don't think I keep escaping into hyperbole.

Well, I did it. I held to my guns and told my manager I was leaving my monstrously large company after 11 years of institutionalized living, fear, and loathing. My plans for taking to the airwaves and road remain unchanged - if anything, I can now see even more of the country. My excitement finely balances my anxiety over leaving my sugar daddy in these economic times.

But I believe.

I believe that it is better to guide my life with those things I care about passionately, than let fear drive my direction.
I believe in a higher power that takes care of those who let go of what they cannot control.
I believe that I have gifts and talents and will find a place to exercise my potential if I go after something I want.
I believe I will be ok.

It was strange - the first time I broached the subject with my manager I felt pretty tense. I approached the topic sideways rather than closeting him away. The second time we spoke, after his requested cooling off period for my potential reconsideration, I felt completely confident about my decision. I spoke without hesitation, feelings of guilt, or anxiousness. It felt right.

So, we'll see if I'm proving to be foolish; my self-will run riot. There are a lot worse things I could do with my life as I enter this tumultuous phase. Going camping, seeing friends, hiking, staying healthy and off the computer (more than 4 hours a day...) are fairly positive. I don't anticipate a Leaving Las Vegas ending ;0

Wish me luck. It is time to move away from making lists to checking them off.

Despite the best laid plans to go West first, I have ended up in western Michigan. Still, the drive up the western coast of the state was beautiful. I really enjoyed the views of Lake Michigan - the waters were peaceful and the wind glorious. The sounds and sights of civilization literally behind me - the strident tones of hatred, anger, and insanity were quieted by perspective.

It is time for a change, both in my life and the culture and tone within America.

I just figured out what I'm doing - urban camping. I first read the concept (but not the soon-to-be-trademarked name) in the 40-50-60 series by Kim Stanley Robinson. Why do I have to have a house? Can't I live out of a car - if I must have a car - and split my functions into modular living arrangements?

My friend and co-worker Ginger died today.

She was surrounded by family. She died holding the hands of her loving spouse. Her pain ended. She was laughing 3 days ago, despite everything.

She knew what was most important in this life.

I shall miss her.